When To Walk Away
Assuming you do well and assuming you are going from job to job, you are going to come across some gigs that simply don't fit. You don't get along well with the DP. You are early in your career and you have a 1st AC that resents the fact that you have risen up quickly. You find yourself appalled at the actions of an actor or director and simply can’t hold your tongue anymore.
When these problems arise, there are always avenues to take to rectify them and, of course, the first thing you do is try to work with people. Most bumps in the road can be ironed out. But sometimes, and hopefully not often, you find a situation where you have to walk away from the project. I’ve only done this twice, but in both situations, I simply realized that the mental energy I was using up simply to get through the day was not healthy, and that, most importantly, I was essentially not giving the level of work I was being paid to create. I had to walk away.
The first time this happened was early in my career after ER, so I had been fairly well established and had created a name for myself. I was on a hit show and honestly was doing some of the best work of my life. The executive producer was talking to me about directing and if this had come through, it would have put me in an entirely new stratosphere.
It was a tough show, physically demanding, big cast, high profile, but we were pulling it off. Sadly, the director of photography, my boss (who was extremely talented and well known with a huge career behind him) was not a fan of me. We started out ok, but as we moved forward, he became increasingly tough to work with. Anything I did was problematic, and I started to actually second guess my own decisions. Add on to that that his camera crew were somewhat bristly towards me and it made it a very tough working environment. I would go home at the end of every night happy with the work I’d done, but wondering why it was so draining. I’d simply sleep through the weekend ready to do battle again on Monday morning.
I made it through a bunch of episodes and finally went to talk to the show runner, a good friend, and shared with him my thoughts. I asked if he saw what I was seeing and he said that he did. I told him that I had thought long and hard about it and I didn’t see a healthy way forward. I was going to have to leave. He understood, but was also upset, and told me that there was no way I could leave and still come back and direct. I laughed and asked “What makes your DP would work with me as a director?”
I didn’t want to hurt the production, though, so I gave them my notice, with no public explanation, and told the DP I was happy to hang out until they found someone they liked. It was busy and ended up taking three excruciating weeks, but the day I walked off that lot for the last time on that show, I knew I had done the right thing. My career might look much different had I directed that show, but reality was what it was and I know, looking back, I did the right thing even though it was hard.
Years later, I was called by that same showrunner to shoot a pilot with that same DP. I figured I’d give it a chance and went in to have a very frank but kind talk with him about what had happened all those years ago and how much it had hurt me. He was extremely apologetic and explained that he was going through some difficult things back then. It happens. We did the pilot together, and he couldn’t have been kinder to me or easier to work for.
Everyone deserves a second chance, but it’s a fool who doesn’t make sure they know what they are walking into.
