Do established operators still doubt themselves? If so, how do you deal with it?
I think operators need to have the same mindset as an athlete, be it a field goal kicker that just missed a critical kick or a quarterback that just threw an interception. You need to be in the moment - there isn’t time to dwell on past performance – establish what went wrong, figure out how to fix it, then move on so the mistake doesn’t mentally tank your next take/shot. It is important to have short-term memory when it comes to mistakes – the faster you put them in the rear-view mirror, the sooner you can move on to the next challenge.
Sometimes a rehearsal will be going smoothly until the director adds a seemingly simple wrinkle that only you seem to notice will ramp up the difficulty of the scene/shot. There can be anxious moments as you try and figure out how to make the director’s vision a reality. Sometimes, there are complicated portions of the shot, and you spend the early stages of the take anticipating the upcoming move, and how you’ll conquer it. I think all of this is perfectly normal (I hope so…it just happened to me last night), and you learn to deal with it.
While we all might be at different levels of experience, we were brought onto a particular project for a reason, and the people who hired us believe in our abilities. There will always be challenges, and some shots are inherently difficult, but that’s part of the challenge and excitement of what we do as operators. Don’t be discouraged if you are having a difficult day – everybody on set has been through it – the key is to move past those moments, and learn to embrace the next challenge.
I’m three decades in and I still wonder if I can pull things off. It never ends. Knowing you can fail actually makes you better because it keeps you on your game. But you will fail. And when that happens you need to mentally push out every negative thought and become completely focused on the problem so you can fix it and so it doesn’t happen again. Part of this is simple problem solving, but personally, I find that by hyper focusing on one little aspect of the shot, I can push doubt out for the time being (it will come back soon, fear not) and concentrate on the job at hand.
I like to take a big breath in, and a big breath out right before I begin a shot, especially when I find myself spiraling down a path of self-doubt. It is difficult not to be my own worst enemy, though I've found focusing on the negative only makes my operating worse. Over the years, I've had notes of thanks and praise from many people - DPs, directors, other operators, ACs, and students I've helped teach. I keep a folder on my phone of these notes to look at on particularly tough days to remind myself that I don't in fact suck; it's only a hard day, and it will pass. I will learn from it and improve. It also helps to find a friend on set and talk to them when you can steal a moment to do so. Keep in mind it goes both ways - I think part of being a good operator (and a good human being in general) is being attuned to others' emotions, and knowing when someone might need a bit of cheering up and encouragement.
It’s a good question but also a complicated one. The very simple answer is yes - the problems to a seasoned operator are just bigger and the mistakes are more expensive. However, the way to think about them and work them out comes with time. I think it is why, operators try to encourage younger operators not to rush the climb up the ladder.
Most jobs you try and cast your mind back to previous jobs, failures and successes and how you worked them out. I believe this has been with me the whole way, I ask myself what did I do in similar situations? For example when you have no time to shoot dinner scenes, I always use the Donnie Darko reference, great dinner scene, loads of tension, smallest shot list and camera moves. You can shoot dinner and eye lines quick and succinct.
When things get in your head, if you can ask for a moment and take a step back, ask for time to think. Being strong enough and experienced enough to do that, takes time to learn that. Some times, you think when you step back what am I missing here? I had a scene last year just like this on a big show, Director and Grip had decided everything without me and then I had to operate it and it didn’t flow, we weren’t getting the shots, it was to difficult to operate and I was struggling. And I downed tools and went and took the DOP aside and said, I need to change this and do X, Y and Z. To help us get this and get me out of this. We did it and everything was better for everyone.
The other things is quite often your 1st AC and grip are very experienced, dont feel afraid to ask their opinion. What do they think, it’s a team effort how that camera gets from A to B, the 1st AC has to keep it Sharp and the grip has to move the camera - quite often I find if you involve them like this, it makes a such nicer working environment.
My goldenft rule (it has worked ALOT) when things dont work and I cant work out why, I always go wider, not necessarily on the lens choice, physically move the camera back. Let the actors move about in the frame, less operating, the camera is less obtrusive and quite often it gives you a chance to breathe.
Also dont forget text other operators, im stuck, quick what can I do :) I find I often work out what I should done at 3AM the night after when I’m laying in bed thinking, damn I should have been two feet left and further back :)
